after exploring our fear in the previous journal, we are now moving into the second chakra discussing its demon, guilt. i have gone forward, backward, and round and round with this one and there is no simple way of discussing this demon. in my opinion, the second chakra is so dynamic comparable to all the others that it is going to take a little time to break down its complexity; so, bear with me.
before we can just jump into guilt, we need to talk about what transpires first; therefore, i am compelled to explain and discuss the realm of the shadow. there are so many roads to take for this discussion and the shadow feels like the root of all of it.
what do i mean by the 'shadow'? carl jung, a swiss psychiatrist, was the first to recognize that individuals who repress the darker aspects of the self do so by casting them into the subconscious realm of the shadow self. those things that we do not want to accept about ourselves such as greed, anger, neediness, cowardice et al, we in turn see them vividly in others which can bring about judgement and an egocentric mindset. one thing i have come to learn in the time spent working with my shadow self ~ what we REject in ourselves we PROject onto others. we make the other guy the heavy for our subconscious dark side and cast vehemently our judgement and dislike in his direction. most of the time we have little to no idea we are even doing it.
so why the need to repress feelings and emotions? often times in our formative years of 6 months to 2 years the adults in our life have their own way of seeing things and behaving. as young children we are exploring constantly and for adults that can be uncomfortable. imagine your 2-year-old realizes it's pleasurable to touch parts of the body....at the dinner table. there's a way to handle it in which the child can be taught there is a time and place for that. if, however the child is scolded, shamed, or told it is a bad thing to do, now we have the first seed planted for potential guilt starting in the form of a 'bad behavior' which can be cast into the shadow. that child may grow up believing it's 'bad' to engage in self exploration for pleasure.
conversely if a child is rewarded with affection for positive behavior and rejected for bad behavior now emotional closeness could potentially be compromised. this is not to say that children should not be corrected for inappropriate behavior but there is a way to talk to a child even as young as 1 or 2 years of age without the rudimentary nature of 'good' and 'bad'. you explain to them why it is not ok at that time, show them a different way or redirect their attention elsewhere as a few examples. remember, we are talking about 1 and 2 year olds. one aspect i feel gets lost in translation is how detrimental the outcome can be if withholding love and or affection is if used when one is displeased with a young child. the ramifications of that can run deep and last a lifetime.
in the case of withheld love and or affection, the idea that a child will learn not to do something again may stick but the pain of rejection may stick stronger. this can lead to neediness, poor boundaries, co-dependency as well as overly emotional and depressive. as harmless as it may seem to the adult, it can be quite devastating to the child. conversely if the child is lavished in affection and praise with little correction of poor behavior, narcissism can take shape at a later age. it is a fine line as a parent or guardian with such young children and teaching constructively the differences between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. while they are young with limited ability to understand complex thought, children are capable of learning more than we realize. if we begin talking to our children as though they were small adults they will learn and adapt to that style of communication. if you look at how we teach our toddlers and how we teach our pets....kinda similar….squealing yes's and stark no's. our children will respond to calm, relaxed, controlled adults explaining the why's and how's of life. even at the tender age of 2.
so how does all this tie into guilt? as we grow and learn and have been taught dogmatic lessons in life, we often times learn what is acceptable and what is not through the presence of or lack of guilt. it's wrong to touch yourself, it's wrong to be 'lazy', it's wrong to believe in different religious beliefs, and so on. the feelings that correlate to any activity that has been thwarted can be cast into the shadow realm. if we are not allowed to express anger, it gets repressed. if we are not allowed to cry, sadness gets repressed. it doesn't take long for young children to learn; it's their only 'job'. to learn. they will learn the lessons very quickly but do not have the maturity to distinguish what happens if we just shut something down in us to please another.
in our society sexuality is one of the leading energies that gets cast to the shadow realm. sexual abuse is much higher than i feel most people want to or even can acknowledge. understand...sexual abuse and sexual assault are not the same thing. sexual abuse can be as seemingly benign as slapping or shaming a child for touching himself. having the child exposed to any form of sexuality even on television. sexual assault is any form of physical contact to a child or an adult but for the sake of this journal we will only be discussing from the viewpoint of the child. sexuality is tricky these days with the liberal use of it in media, the rigidity of it in religion, and the viewpoints of one’s family dynamic. if our children have questions, we need to address them and in a way that the child can understand for his or her age.
my own issues with the shadow realm have been a long and winding journey. they range from emotional to sexual and manifest from numbness to rage. i have stored a lot in my subconscious and through my 30s and all of my 40s i have been addressing them one by one. it's painful and embarrassing at times. i have been afraid to show people what has been tucked away for fear they will run for the hills thinking i am too damaged to love. but again, that is my own rejected self projected on to others. those were and to some degree still are my feelings. i believe i am too damaged to be loved. i believe i am too stupid and not good enough and not worthy of love and affection. i have stored these away and projected them on to others saying those very things to people who have been close to me. some have left and that's okay because the ones who know my story, who know i am working through my demons have stayed. they remind me i am worthy and they remain by my side while i work though my shit. i take responsibility for my actions and my words. i by no means use my shadow work as an entitlement to act as i please to people. i will slip up but i will own it and explain from where i was coming and usually an apology is needed. those who love and support me don't expect perfection, just that i keep moving forward.
so how do we heal this and reintegrate our shadow self with who we really are? there is no easy answer, but we can start with a few things that can wake us up to our own shadow self. guilty feelings are always a tell. judgement of others is also a solid tell. if we can look at our guilt and judgement honestly and with an openness to explore, we will start to find some of the things we have tucked away in the subconscious. once some of these behaviors have been identified next...we need to feel them. remember the most prominent aspect of the second chakra is movement. we need to express the emotions which are tied to the repressed feelings. this can take time and absolutely takes courage, but you may be surprised to discover how it gets a bit easier with consistency and a good support group of friends and family. i can admit to you that i have tried it on my own...it can't be done. i don't speak in absolutes as you may have noticed but this one thing i can say...you can't do it yourself. because you can't trigger your own shadow. it protects itself...from itself.
i have the good fortune of having some really great people who see past my pain and self-protection and wait for me to get back on my feet and at times help me back up. one of the other important qualities of this energy center is uniting with others. friendships, partnerships, family. these are all parts of the development. isolation is a byproduct of the shadow. connect with people. i know that in your past people close to you may have hurt you but life is meant to be lived and we are social creatures made to connect with others. life is too short to live in the dark corners of our history. let go, move forward, indulge in the pleasures life has to offer, explore your body and trust your partner to do the same. there is no greater transformation than letting the ways of your past die and be reborn to your present-day self which is most likely amazing. and for those who overindulge in pleasure ask yourself...are you getting true fulfillment from that in which you are indulging? even medicine in excess is poisonous.
next up we are going into our personal power with the third energy center but for now let's just take some time to let this settle in, digest it, and begin working with it. as always, this a brief overview of the demon of the second chakra. if you have any questions, i implore you to ask me and if not me, someone else or start doing your own research. you are not reading this by accident. i will respond within 24 hours of any messages ~ dawngriggs@prism-yoga.com
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