there has been a lot of ground covered in these journal installments on the first and second chakras; the bulk being a basic understanding of the chakras and recognizing excessive and deficient energy along with how to become balanced. there is one area i feel needs to be addressed with a bit more specificity and that is the demons of these chakras.
beginning with the root…fear…i want to cover this with more clarity. so, what does fear really mean as it pertains to this energy center and how do we conquer that fear? i'm of a mind that one does not conquer one's fear, one integrates it. this could simply be a matter of semantics, but for me, saying one has conquered something literally means to do so by force. i don't believe force works with anything other than maybe getting out of bed at 4:40 in the morning for work. integration however is bringing things together and creating a union to become whole. fear is not a good thing or a bad thing; i don't operate in this type of mindset…good/bad, right/wrong, black/white. it's more about the degrees of these things ~ life is full of grey.
keep in mind that fear is a powerful teacher. few lessons have the staying power that fear can elicit. it keeps us safe, keeps us cautious, and keeps us grounded. this is the healthy balance of living with fear. fearlessness is not the goal; fear consciousness is the goal. be aware of your fear…study it, understand it, get to know it. see when it comes into play and why. how does it manifest and how does it move through the body? to gain balance we must take an active role with the demons of our energy centers.
fear generally prevents us from doing something that could potentially bring some form of harm. that can take on many forms and usually does, such as physical harm and/or emotional harm. the main trigger for our fear is first and foremost... self-preservation. but we must really look deep and ask ourselves 'is there really a threat or am i afraid of a potential threat'.
for me, i fear abandonment. i spent most of my young life in self-preservation mode and the safest place to do that was in isolation. while i could be safe there, for a time, i was not getting certain needs met such as love, affection, and acceptance…to name a few. i grew up teaching myself if i felt i may be causing someone frustration, friction, or anger i need to retreat to be certain i'd be safe; but here's the problem…i could not distinguish the difference from past to present. while my friends and loved ones may get frustrated with me, there is no need for me to isolate myself for fear of repercussion. i will not be physically or verbally mistreated and yet my mind starts remembering old traumas and my trusted friend fear steps up to bat for me. and let me tell you something about fear…fear is often masked as anger and terror is veiled as rage. i loved both my anger and my rage. it worked beautifully to keep my isolation intact and my fears not brought to fruition... but at a cost.
i lost a lot of people along the way. some good people. i then started my journey, which by the way has many side roads, and here i am today. i still battle with fear and anger and deep down what i fear the most is that isolation. ironic, yes, but with the right people and some tough love with myself i have started to see that some of these old programs are completely outdated and are not only no longer serving me but are a detriment to my growth and healing.
i have recently come to 'see' that while i have done a great deal of growing in my adult years, i have not done much healing. i can talk about the pain and the fear but if it gets triggered i can still retreat to isolation by passive or aggressive means. once the healing aspect of my journey began i could see more clearly the error of my ways and the new road set before me.
i implore you, if you are reading this, to look at your fear. see where it lives, by what name(s) it answers to, how it expresses itself and why, and most importantly, does it still serve you or does it control you. once these steps have been taken the integration can begin and fear can take its rightful place again in a healthy way of asking us to take a moment and assess our situation to better understand how to proceed. it won't happen overnight, but it will happen and don't worry about falling back into the old patterns while you learn…it's going to happen. just take responsibility for it and if you've projected that fear and anger on to someone, tell them what happened and why and take responsibility for it. your friends and family will support you when effort is being made.
next we will take a closer look at the second chakra's demon, guilt.
if you have any questions or need someone to help with the process, you can reach me via email and i will respond to you within 24 hours: dawngriggs@prism-yoga.com
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